IT TAKES ONE PERSON TO CHANGE A LIFE

Did you know that it takes one person to change a life? At some point in your existence, you can probably recall one person that has made a difference in your life, whether for good or bad. A person that touched your future, created a change in your heart, soul, and being, a person that helped make you who you are today.

They had an influence over your life whether you realized it or not. They changed you in such a way that you were a completely different person from before meeting and interacting with them.

When you think of that person and the memories that you have, what stands out? What did they do that made an impact on your life? How did their behavior or personality change you?

I have had many people influence my life, but there is one person that had the earliest and greatest impact on me. That person was an 11-year-old girl.

The Shy, Friendless Girl

When I was young I didn’t have friends.

I wasn’t popular, I wasn’t outgoing and I didn’t stand out in any way. I would go to school and I remember playing around the other kids but not necessarily with them. I remember longing to be a part of their games and be asked to play with them but I was too afraid to ask for myself.

I didn’t have anyone that I considered a close friend. I didn’t play regularly with anyone in my class or have conversations of value.

I was this way from Kindergarten all the way to 5th grade.

As with every child, there were “cool” kids that would make fun of me or just ignore me. My family did not care about trends or fashion. We wore what we could afford so it was always second-hand clothes.

I didn’t know the current music and we didn’t have a television that got cable (there was no streaming back then) so I didn’t have any way to connect with my peers. Cellphones and the internet also were not commonplace for children so that limited exposure as well.

It makes sense that I was made fun of or seen as weird, but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful.

Teachers didn’t notice me much because they were always so busy with their full classrooms and heavy workload. As long as I wasn’t making problems and I was doing my work I was invisible, present but of no significance.

And as the only girl in a family with three brothers, I was pretty used to being a loner. My brothers and I loved each other and we would play together but there were many things I wanted to do that they simply weren’t interested in. If I was feeling lonely I would typically have to go and see what they were doing and hang out with them.

My parents were always loving and did their best for me but with 4 kids they too were constantly busy. They had a lot of responsibilities and I wasn’t very vocal about my needs or desires and, let’s be honest, it’s easy to overlook someone that is quiet. Sometimes as a parent we think that if we don’t hear our child complain we think everything is ok.

So even at home, I was used to being there but not necessarily noticed. It seemed natural to watch in the shadows and inwardly be a part of people’s lives but not show it outwardly.

I was too scared to be rejected. I was too inexperienced in friendship to know what to do to make a friend. I was too weak-willed to put myself out there and insert myself into a discussion or group of people.

To be fair, in a way, I held myself back. If I had a little bit of backbone and was willing to be hurt to find something special, to actually express what I wanted, my childhood experience might have been very different. And although my character did help create my circumstances, God was not going to leave me in the shadows, He was just waiting until His time was right.

What I wish I knew…

During those years I was not a Christian. My parents were young believers in the faith so we really only started going to church off and on when I was in Kindergarten. I heard Bible stories and knew about God and Jesus, but I did not have any sort of relationship with them.

I wish that I had known I was never alone, Jesus was always with me. I wish that I knew God cared about me and saw me. I wish that I knew it didn’t matter what I was facing or the fears that kept me back because God would get me through it. All I had to do was ask Him. (Mark 11:24)

For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

Isaiah 41:13

He could have given me the courage that I needed. But even though I didn’t realize it, He was always there. He was keeping me safe in ways that I didn’t even know. He was making the path to be opened in His time, which would eventually help me get the desires of my heart…a friend.

Little did I know that I would meet a friend who would change my life forever.

The Need For A Change

The year I was going into 6th grade my parents were concerned about our education at the public school. It was having a negative effect on my brothers and me but they weren’t sure what else to do. Another family in our church introduced us to a very small Christian school in the area.

Even though it would be a financial sacrifice, my parents were willing to give it a try and see if it could help their kids academically, emotionally, and socially.

I will forever be thankful to my parents for sending me to that school. It was everything I didn’t realize I needed. Because it was a small school the teachers were able to focus on their students individually. They also came together with the parents to better understand the child and do what was best for them and their education.

For the first time, I felt seen. I couldn’t hide, there was nowhere to disappear to. I would be asked questions and if I didn’t know the answer they would make sure I knew before I left home for the day.

We still weren’t culturally fashionable but here it wasn’t that big of a deal. The most important thing was not who knew all the lyrics to the number one song on the radio or who had the greatest reality t.v. show. The most important thing was learning as much as we could and seeing how God is a part of everything in the world and our lives. My viewpoint had changed. My worldly mindset was being shown a spiritual mindset on a deeper level.

Now don’t think for a second that this school was perfect. A Christian school is still full of imperfect people. I stayed there until I graduated from high school and, believe me, it had its share of problems and mistakes made. To be fair, we are all human and prone to fail at times. Don’t look for a Christian school to fix your family’s problems, only God can do that.

But this school helped keep me away from drugs, alcohol, porn, and peer pressure. It helped me increase my knowledge of the Bible and softened my heart to God and His salvation full of grace. It gave me a destiny I wouldn’t have had where I was before.

The girls I knew before grew up to be drug addicts, a mother of 2 by 16, and dead from recklessly driving with friends on a gravel road. Plus, I knew myself. If I had stayed where I was I would have done whatever it took to get affection and friendship. I craved love and acceptance. I would have been a slut. I would have become a mean girl. I would have done anything to get a friend. And without God in my heart, I would not have the life I have today.

This school helped me in more ways than I could count. But the first way it helped me was by meeting a new girl in my class, a girl that wanted to be friends.

A Friend To The Friendless

As I noted before I was shy and not good at making friends. It was terrifying for me to go to a different school but I was also hoping it could turn out to be something grand. Now when I say the school was small I mean small. My teacher was in charge of both 5th and 6th grade and there were probably 12 people total in my class for those grades combined.

In my grade specifically, there were only 2 other girls. This girl was one of them.

That girl was a force to reckon with. She was loud, she was boisterous, she knew what she wanted and she wasn’t afraid of anything. She felt compassion for people and she was a warrior for the weak. She wasn’t afraid to stand up against someone that was twice her height and put them in their place. She was everything I was not, but everything I wanted to be.

And for some reason, that girl saw me and decided that we were going to be friends. She decided that she would hang out with me, stand up for me, and have a personal relationship with me. She didn’t know my background. She didn’t know my personality. She had no idea that I wouldn’t ask to be her friend or that I really wanted to be.

Because she didn’t have to know. Her decisions weren’t based on my life, they were based on her character and morals.

She had decided that she was going to be friends with everyone she met.

She had decided that she would not stand by and watch someone be bullied or bully them herself.

She had decided that even the weird, ugly, and friendless mattered and deserved to be loved and she was the one who was going to do it.

She had decided that she didn’t need anyone to coddle her because she was strong and the strong take care of the weak.

She was already this amazing person that would put it upon themselves to help others. I had never met anyone like her before. I had never had a person literally force me to hang out with them and play with them and pull my words and thoughts out of my heart because they truly wanted to know them.

The greatest thing she did for me was show unconditional love, a friendship that had no benefit to her but one that she desired to have.

She barely knew me and yet she loved me.

And someone unconditionally loves you too…

If you were like me and don’t have a fearless friend in your life, let me share this secret with you. There is someone who sees you and loves you no matter what your life and personality are like. And not just loves you but loves you unconditionally. There are no requirements for this love, there are no limitations to this love, it is not a mutual transaction, and it is free for you to embrace without any need for it to be returned.

God loves you.

Not because you are pitiful, not because He feels sorry for you, but because He has a spirit that loves everyone.

God is the embodiment of love.

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

I John 4:9-10

But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:4-7

He is looking to make you part of His family. He isn’t looking to force you into submission to Him. He doesn’t just want to change you and make you obey all of His commands. He wants to give you a place to belong, a place to feel safe and be seen as important. He wants to give you the strength to believe in who He has made you be. He gives you hope and security.

Look to Him and He will give you peace. Ask Him to be with you and He will give you the love no one else has ever shown you. God loves you and He wants you to be with Him.

A Change Within

The more I hung out with my new friend, the more I began to change inwardly.

I was starting to open up more. I was starting to feel safe to express myself without fear of rejection. I was starting to gain self-confidence and value because someone was showing me that I was valuable and I was worth seeing and listening to.

And that inward change was starting to change my outward actions.

I was becoming more vocal. I laughed and talked more that year than I had ever talked in all the before years. I was beginning to have preferences and my own thoughts and ideas and expressing what I wanted to do.

I was looking to find more people to hang out with and be friends with. I was no longer hoping someone would talk to me but I was instead looking for people to talk to. I was smiling more and enjoying the activities more because I was happier in my heart.

Her friendliness and unconditional love changed a fearful heart into that of joy and intrigue. Her time spent with me caused my soul to be blessed and now I was taking that blessing and desiring to do the same.

I wanted to be like her. Be a friend to the friendless because I now understood how much it could change a life. And to this day that is how I am.

I don’t always have the time or the ability to spend with others, but I am no longer afraid to talk to someone I don’t know. I look for people that are new or people that are clearly uncomfortable. Even if it is just a small conversation or just a “Hey, I’m happy to see you here and I look forward to getting to know you better!”

To look into someone’s eyes is to tell them that you see them. To see someone is to acknowledge their existence. To acknowledge their existence is to tell them they are important and matter in life. You never know who might need a friend or a casual smile in their direction. You could make a major difference in someone’s life. It only takes one person.

And that person could be you.

Important things to think about…

• “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

If God has blessed you with friends, choose to be friendly to those without. Sometimes we get stuck in our cliques and don’t broaden our horizons. Don’t just look for friendships that give you something. Be willing to go out of your comfort zone and take a chance to help someone else. Just by being friendly, you can save a life. I heard a story one time about a person who decided to commit suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge. He was a little scared so he made the condition that if one person smiled at him on his walk to the bridge he wouldn’t go through with it. No one even looked at him. He decided that if he wasn’t worth looking at then life wasn’t worth living. He didn’t feel seen. He didn’t feel of value. If only one person was friendly and smiled, his life could have been different.

• “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” I Thessalonians 5:11

Take friendliness to the next level. Get to know the person so well that they confide in you their problems and hurt. Be a safe haven for them. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything and everything and it won’t make you disappear. There is nothing they can do or say that will push you away. Give them time and give them comfort in their hurt. Uplift them and be willing to instruct them in spiritual and moral matters. To heal the physical body is important but to revive the spiritual soul is of far greater price.

• “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” I Corinthians 15:33

Although we should be friendly and loving to all people we do have to be careful with whom we get closely connected. Changing lives goes both ways. They could influence you just as much as you influence them. If a person is stuck in their ways and you are just trying “to save them”, stop. You can only help people who want help. You can only change a person that is looking to be changed. A person that sees nothing wrong with their life or is not willing to be any different will only negatively affect your life. Let them do what they want but pray for them. Pray that God opens their eyes and softens their hearts. Only He can cause them to desire change.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, this girl was not at the school for very long. She was there for two more years but ended up leaving the church and school during our third year together. It hit me very hard at first. But what I didn’t realize then was that I had learned so much from her that I was now able to stand on my own two feet. I was not the same person I was before. I was changed.

One major blessing that came from the sadness of her leaving was that both I and the other girl in my class saw her as a best friend. We both loved her. But now neither of us had her help, we had to do it on our own.

And we did. She and I became extremely close friends to where I would truly say we became sisters. We became more than just a sister even. She became a spiritual soul sister. We could talk about anything and everything and we encouraged each other in our faith.

Even today we are great friends. Our faith bound us together, closer than any memories or experiences that we had. Our bond is so thick that it can never be severed. Again, God knew exactly what I needed and He gave it in His time.

There did come a day when I found my old friend again. When I was much older I ended up finding her on Facebook. She still seemed to be the loving and loyal person that I knew in middle school but she was spiritually going down a path that I couldn’t follow. We had become different people with nothing but our history in common. It was a sad moment for me. But even though we do not have the same faith anymore, I will always be thankful to her.

God used her to heal and uplift me when I did not have Him in my life or the ability to do it myself. Unknowingly, she helped me find and appreciate the faith in God that I hold dear, now and forever.

She was one person that changed my life.

And you could be a fearless friend too. Are you looking for those who sit alone or are made fun of? Are you willing to stand up for those that are wronged? Are you willing to be a friend to the friendless? Jesus was.

And He wants us to be too.