Sometimes God puts people in our path that we never would have noticed by ourselves.
Most of the time we want to deal with our own problems and not others. We don’t want to be friends with someone that has issues because then we have to help them. Or at least that’s the right thing to do. We shut our eyes to the wounded to make our lives easier.
As Christians, we sometimes tend to stay in our bubble of believers and not notice the everyday people around us. Are we looking for the wounded of the world like Christ did? Are we willing to have a deeper relationship with them and spend valuable time talking to them about our faith? Even with no guarantee that the conversation will amount to anything.
Are we truly being like Christ if we are not befriending those, who deep down, have scars that Jesus can heal?
In my blog post, How to Make Friends Using 3 Simple Steps, I talked a little about this topic but the example that I gave was about a brief encounter. In this blog post, I want to talk about a long-term relationship with someone who is hurting and needs a friend. This way takes much more time, conversations, self-sacrifice, and possibly money.
We don’t have to be the best thing that has ever happened to them. I mean come on, we’re not Jesus. We just need to be someone who will not abandon them when we see their darkest secrets. Someone that will never be so shocked and surprised at what comes next nor cause their wounds to deepen. We just need to be like Jesus.
Friendship Blooms…
When I was a junior in college I had a roommate whom I will never forget. She was a major introvert, socially awkward, and honestly, just a little weird. I don’t mean weird in a bad way but she was very different than anyone I had ever hung out with.
Before I met her I had already been told by the neighboring room how horrible this girl was. They claimed she had anger issues, she didn’t like to go out or do anything and she just wasn’t a good Christian to be around.
It was a Christian college, so to an extent, I could understand them wanting to keep their faith strong through the friends they made. However, I think far too often people blame others for their own lack of self-discipline and put on a “holier than thou” facade so they don’t have to deal with different types of people. But instead of freaking me out and wishing she wasn’t my roommate, I was actually intrigued.
Now before you hate on these girls and call them names let me say this, they were right. But what they didn’t see was all the layers of pain and wounds that lay in my new roommate’s heart.
Jesus Saw and Listened to Their Soul
When Jesus saw people he didn’t just see their outer appearance. He saw their soul. He knew their backstory, the life they’d lived, the heartaches and injustices placed upon them. He saw the verbal and physical abuse they endured. He could hear every harsh word said about them or to them. He could feel their fear, anxieties, frustrations, betrayal, mockings, and failures.
He knew they weren’t just prostitutes, they were wounded sinners looking for a savior (John 8:1-11). He knew they weren’t just thieving tax collectors, they needed a godly rebuke (Luke 19:1-10). They weren’t just fishermen, they were devout children in need of a leader (Matthew 4:18-22).
He knew there was more to them than met the eye. He was God and could see deeper than we can, but don’t be discouraged. We can see deeper too. We just need to do it differently with these four steps:
- Look at a person and see them as a lost sheep instead of a sinner. Many times in the bible we are referenced as sheep with or without a shepherd. A person without Christ is, in fact, lost. They don’t know which way to turn or what to do. Their sin has come from them making their own choices and not looking to God. I mean, why would they look to Him? He’s not their shepherd. (Mathew 9:36, Isaiah 53:6)
- Don’t focus on their sin but their soul. Challenge yourself to wonder instead of judge. Why do they act this way? Is there something that has happened in their life to make them put on this character or sin? Will they let you help them heal through God’s Word? We don’t just want them to have good behavior and stop sinning. We want them to have Christ in their heart and have the greatest Shepherd of all. (Ex. The woman at the well)
- Be an open book and know your facts. They might debate you. They might ask you crazy hard questions and expect an answer now. They might try to trip you up and show you that your faith is wrong. Answer every question they have honestly. Don’t be afraid to say you need to research that topic more. Know what you believe so you always have an answer. Before you look for the wounded you had better be already in the Word of God and have some knowledge or you might do more harm than good. (I Peter 3:15, Colossians 4:6
- Give them time to trust you. People don’t always like to tell strangers their deepest, darkest secrets. These types of relationships take time. They take energy. They take persistence. Don’t give up on them. The Lord is working in their hearts. It took more than a day to build Rome, and it will take more than a day to build a relationship.
- Pray for them always. Satan does not want people to leave their sins and become a part of God’s family. He loves nothing more than to have us go to hell and be separated from God forever because he knows it doesn’t just hurt us. It hurts God too. And Satan hates God more than he loves himself because he wants to be God. (Acts 26:17-18)
A Deep Bond Forms
Throughout the year we became closer as roommates and, on my side, friends. We would constantly talk together in our room about every Bible topic you could think of. At first, it was her trying to debate me and show me that she was right and the Bible was wrong. But eventually, it turned into her asking sincere questions about my faith.
I found out she had many insecurities, and fears and was spiritually a baby in her faith. She had a pretty awful home life, she even wondered if she deserved to be alive because she was a rape baby. And the man that raped her mother still lived with them for half of her life leading to other heartaches and mental/emotional harm.
Throughout that year we bonded more and more. I was there teaching her how to make friends and pushing her to leave the room and have fun. We would do devotions together and help her better understand who God was and how much He loved her. She became the little sister I never had. She even became good friends with the neighboring girls again.
In the middle of the year, the school decided to cancel the major she loved and she began contemplating suicide. This might seem extreme but with having such a lack of good family relations, her major was everything to her. Every time she went to the bathroom I would listen carefully, wondering if this was the time she’d try to do it. I was prepared to tear down that door.
It was exhausting but it lead us to be bonded so deeply that she would call me her Jonathan and I would call her my David (based on the deep friendship between these men in the Bible).
As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
I Samuel 18:1 ESV
Our relationship was not just about making fun memories and watching movies together. We were spiritually connected as soul sisters. When you are spiritually connected, especially on a mentor and student basis, it is far more intricate and complex than with casual buddies. You talk about things no one else knows about. You show who you are in your soul and not the character you try to portray. You show your vulnerability. But this only happened because we spent lots of time together and had God as a huge focus in our relationship.
Jesus Was Selfless
All throughout the New Testament, we see Jesus giving of himself.
And for many of these things, he could have invoked his powers as God and made these problems easily go away. But he didn’t. He wanted to be human. He wanted to be someone we could look up to and use as an example for our lives. To show us that we could, in fact, be like him.
Here are 6 examples of Jesus’ selflessness:
- Jesus did not start his godly ministry until he was 30 because he was providing and caring for his widowed mother and siblings. (Luke 3:23)
- Everything He did was for His Father (God). His coming down to earth from heaven, his temptations in the wilderness, his countless miracles, his cruel death, etc… His goal was to complete God’s mission for him with no thoughts of his own human desires. (John 6:38, John 14:31, John 5:19, Matthew 26:39)
- He would meet people everywhere he went and take the time to speak with them for long periods of time. He would respect them and treat them kindly, no matter who. The only time he would get angry and say horrible things were to people that were exploiting or dominating people in the name of God and faith. (Ex. Nicodemus, Pharisees)
- No matter how busy and exhausted he was, he would stop resting if people came to him to learn. (Ex. the feeding of the 5000)
- He came to serve others instead of being served himself. (Matthew 20:28, Mark 10:45)
- He sacrificed his life for us. (Romans 5:8, Isaiah 53:12)
If we are to follow Christ’s example then think about your life in regards to who he was.
Are your actions and choices being based on your own desires or what God desires? Are you meeting people where they are and not waiting for them to find you? When people do find you, are you willing to talk to them and form an actual relationship with them? One based on love and respect?
Do you expect to have alone time and get angry at people for invading your private time? Do you prefer to rest when God puts an opportunity to serve people in your way? Do you see it as an opportunity to disciple?
Are you willing to sacrifice your life for someone else?
Christ was all of these and more. It will be hard. It will be unnatural to say no to your flesh, but it will be worth it when we see Christ.
Is it Friendship?
In my senior year of college, we were no longer roommates but I still wanted to remain friends. I mean, we had been through so much together and I wanted to be there for her and be the one friend that would never abandon her or hurt her.
What I didn’t know was she didn’t see me as a friend. She was too afraid to call me a friend because she was afraid of rejection. Instead, she wanted to stop being with me and talking to me because it was easier to end it first than allow me to do it and hurt her.
I was furious when I heard that. She had even told me that she didn’t believe or trust me when I said I had no plans to stop being her friend. I kept thinking, “What have I done wrong? Why was she so willing to cast me aside after all we’d been through? Is our friendship benefiting me at all or just wasting my time? Should I just let her end it and be done with this hassle?”
For a whole day, I thought and thought about what to do. I prayed for God’s guidance. Which way do I turn? But, I had already made up my mind long ago. Christ gave me peace. I went to her room and started speaking before she could say anything. Holding back the tears, I said,
“I refuse to go anywhere! I am your friend and will always be your friend. Even if you hate me and throw me to the side, I will keep coming back. I love you like a little sister and I want to be with you, to talk and hang out. I am sure of this and I know in my heart that no matter how much you hurt me, it will never change. But if you don’t want to be friends then I will respect your wishes, but just know. You are still a friend to me.”
She stared at me for a moment and a compassionate look came across her face. “Sarah,” she said, “I’ve been praying all day about what I should do. I’ve realized that I made a mistake and I was wrong in what I said. I do want to be your friend and I trust you with my heart.”
Of course, at that point, I started to bawl my eyes out. It was such an emotional rollercoaster for me. She kept saying sorry and reassured me that we would be friends forever.
And just as I did not change my love for my friend, neither does Jesus’ love change.
Jesus Will Never Lose His Love for You
We might think that we have committed a sin too heinous to be loved by God. But as long as your heart is not hardened in your sin, God will always love you and want you to come to Him. Even up to your dying breath, God is still reaching out asking you to turn to Him.
Jesus will always be willing to hear your prayers and remove your sin from your heart. Throughout the Scriptures, we have seen Jesus declare his love for us.
- I John 4:19-We love because he first loved us.
- John 15:9-10- As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.
- John 13:34-A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
- Galatians 2:20-I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
- Ephesians 5:2-And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
- II Thessalonians 3:5-May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.
So please, believe me when I say that God loves you. He loves you more than He loves himself. He sacrificed His son to a horrid death just for you.
If I was God, I don’t know if I could give my child to the demons themselves, tormented to the fullest, for someone who might not want the salvation he brought. Or someone that would take advantage of being saved to do sin and think saying a quick prayer will keep them from hell.
But He loves you. He cares for your future. He wants you to feel the security of being wrapped in his peaceful arms, keeping the chaos and drama of the world from your soul. He wants to protect us. Not from a hard life, not from other people’s sin. But from a future without Him, a future of pain and suffering.
The greatest promise He gives to His children, and my favorite is that he will never leave us, nor forsake us. The whole world may turn against us, but He will be there. No matter where we are, He is sitting with us. No matter what abuse we are facing, He is watching and comforting us.
Several people in the Bible were given this promise.
- Jacob during his dream in Genesis 28:1-15
- The people of Israel before Moses died in Deuteronomy 31:8
- Solomon reminds Israel when the Temple is finished in I Kings 8:57
- He says it in Hebrews 13:5, Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 94:14, and so many other places.
There is one thing I have learned about God and His Word. If He says it over and over and over again, He means it and He deems it important for us to remember.
God is with us always.
Healing the Wounded Heart
The more we read God’s Word, the more we prayed together, and the more my roommate’s focus went from her own desires to God’s, her whole life began to change.
She became happier. She became more willing to try new things. She wasn’t as angry or judgemental or terrified of the world. She was able to let go of the sin done to her in the past. She was able to see her worth as a person and know that, although she was born because of rape, she was worthy of life and love. She began to bless those around her. She began to start a new, fresh life that made her excited. Her wounded heart was finally healing. And it was all because of Jesus.
I am very thankful for the interaction I had with my roommate. I seriously would never have looked at her or, sadly, probably never cared about her if she wasn’t my roommate. But God put us together for a reason.
He knew that she needed a little ol’ bible major in her life. A Christian who didn’t have a lot of experience counseling people, but someone willing to do their best through God’s help. She needed someone to help her faith mature.
He also knew that the bible major needed to have more knowledge. I needed to be able to back up my beliefs and see the pain people face. I needed to be humbled in many ways. I needed to make mistakes. I needed to look to Him for everything and be made sure that this was my calling in life.
He put two very different people together, by force, for the betterment of them both.
Is God putting someone in your life that needs your help or vice versa? And if not, are you sure? Are you sure that you are looking for the wounded?
Or are you the wounded looking for someone? Someone to help you in your struggles. Someone to give you a reason to live.
My goal in life is to be a friend to everyone. I am not always good at it. Sometimes I am downright selfish and just want to sleep on my hammock. (With 3 young kids a little alone time seems like heaven.) And to be honest, that is something I need to do sometimes so I don’t get weary in well doing. But I would hope that whenever God gives me the opportunity, whomever God puts in my path, I will notice them and I will be the friend they need at that moment.
Are you willing to be a friend to the wounded, even at the sacrifice of your own self?
